Fruits Basket: Behind the Scenes
by warriorprincess27
Summary: What happens behind the scenes of Fruits Baskets? We'll let you know after this really short break.
1. Behind the Scenes

**BEHIND THE SCENES OF: FRUITS BASKETS!**

**_Note: I do not own Fruits Baskets or any characters on Fruits Baskets. 'Cept for Henry. Lol._**

Tohru: (from behind her changing screen) I… can't… fit… into… this… DRESS!

Henry: (appears, looking flustered) YOU'RE ON IN FIVE PEOPLES! MOVE IT!

Tohru: I CAN'T FIT INTO MY FRICKING DRESS! (stomps out of her changing room looking hot and bothered)

Henry: (having spasms) OH NO! YOU'VE MESSED YOUR HAIR!

Tohru: Frankly, I don't care about my hair. (rips dress off and throws it away.) GET ME ANOTHER COSTUME TO WEAR!

Yuki: (popping his head in) Err, Henry, could you just…

Tohru: (furious) HELLOO! I'M NAKED HERE!

Yuki: I'm sorry Miss Honda, I just need to borrow Henry for a tic. Do keep your temper in check.

Tohru: ARGH!

Henry: Gosh! My life is just, soooo crap right about now! I'll be there… now shoo, I've got something else to do first.

Tohru: FIND ME A DRESS THAT FITS!

Kagura: (wanders in) Ooh, Tohru, we're on in… (counts) 3 minutes!

Tohru: I'M FAT! I CAN'T FIT MY COSTUME!

Kagura: Aww, come on now, you're not _that_ fat!

Henry: Agh! Forget _that _and come and take a seat, I sooo need to fix your hair. It looks like a bomb went off!

Tohru: (fold arms over her chest) I need something to _wear _first.

Henry: (tearing his hair out in frustration)

Yuki: (pops back in) HENRY!

Henry: (slams his head against a wall) Argh! I'll be there! Shoo, SHOO! Girl, SIT!

Kagura: (pats Tohru's arm as she sits) Don't worry, I'll find something nice for you.

Shigure: (walking in – Tohru shrieks and leaps back up) Ahh, Ms Honda, you _do _look stunning in… (stops at the murderous look on her face) Hmm, never mind. Henry, please, we do need you. Kyo's in a bit of a pickle.

Henry: (raises arms in surrender) WHY me. Why did the Lord curse ME!

Kyo: (walking in with a hair dryer stuck to his hair) IT WON'T FRICKING COME OFF!

Henry: GAH! WHAT DID YOU DO?

Tohru: (waving her arms furiously) OUT! OUT!

Henry: (turning to Tohru) SIT! SIT NOW! I'm NOT finished with you!

Tohru: (sits but jumps back up again when Kagura re-enters)

Kagura: I found the _perfect _thing for you. (holds up a purple dress with lots of frills)

Tohru: (eyes wide) I'm not wearing a purple TENT! IT HAS FRILLS!

Henry: (collapses to his knees) PLEASE wear it, please… you have a minute left…

Tohru: (huffs, grabs dress, and slams into her changing room)

Kyo: Can somebody HELP please?

Henry: (rushing to Kyo) OH, OH! YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON NOW!

Kyo: (getting yanked about as Henry tries to disentangle the dryer from his hair)

Henry: What HAVE you done?  
Kyo: YEOW! STOP THAT WOULD YA?

Yuki: Errr… we were just announced…

Henry: HURRY, HURRY! (rips dryer out of Kyo's hair and pushes him into Shigure, Yuki and Kagura who are shoved on set… Tohru struggles out last)

Tohru: I feel like a fricking bloody fricking circus clown… (is shoved on set)

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Shigure: (taking his seat and announcing) And welcome to another episode of Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes. We're here today to answer your questions and bring you a sneak peek behind the scenes of our latest episode.

Kyo: (flattening his hair) Fuck this is annoying.

Yuki: (slaps him) Language, catboy.

Kyo: (glares)

Tohru: (still straightening her dress) Ugh, UGH! IT MAKES ME LOOK LIKE I'M PREGNANT!

Kagura: (whispers) Tohru, the microphone is on…

Tohru: I DON'T FRICKING CARE!

Shigure: And here tonight we have 5 of the main stars from the show. Kyo Sohma, the famous orange haired cat boy, eternally locked in battle with the rat…

- spotlight zooms in on Kyo, still struggling to straighten his hair, he freezes -

Shigure: And, we also have with us, RAT BOY! The one and only Yuki Sohma, who plays the part of… well… Yuki Sohma!

Yuki: (spotlight zooms in on him) Greeat…

Shigure: And, joining us as well are the two darling ladies Kagura Sohma and…

Tohru: (completely preoccupied) GAH! THERE'S A FRICKING SPIDER ON THIS FRICKING DRESS! AHHHH!

Kagura: (waves animatedly as the cameras and spotlight zoom in on them)

Shigure: (resigned) Kagura Sohma and Tohru Honda. And, of course, there's me! Wonder me, Shigure Sohma. Now let's move on. Over to you Yuki.

Yuki: Well, this week we were _swamped_ with questions.

Kyo: Probably all about you…

Shigure: Actually Kyo, you're quite a favourite too. Many people have asked if your hair is really orange.

Yuki: (clears throat)

Kyo: GAH! IT _IS_! WHADDAYA THINK I'M LIKE HENRY! I don't spend HOURS every day in the bathroom dying my nose hairs, ear hairs, and eyebrows to make it look convincing!

Yuki: (clears throat again) Henry isn't a part of this…

Henry: (from the background) I MADE YOU! I HELPED YOU BECOME STARS!

Tohru: YOU BOUGHT THE FRICKING WRONG SIZED DRESS!

Kagura: (grabs a hold of Tohru's arm to stop her going out back) And onto other things. Yes, Kyo and I _are_ getting married next year in the show, _and_ in life.

Kyo: I didn't know about that!

Kagura: Course you wouldn't Kyo, Ayame hasn't spoken to you yet about what suit you'll wear.

Yuki: (grins maliciously) Kyo, I'll be the Best Man…

Kagura: Oh no, Shigure's the Best Man, Ayame's the Maid of Honour. It's all settled.

Kyo: YOU'VE PLANNED A WEDDING WITHOUT ME KNOWING!

Yuki: You ARE dumb.

Shigure: (desperately trying to stop Kyo from killing Yuki) Uhh… we'll be right back after this short break…

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Kyo: (mumbling incoherently) Marriage... babies next... and then we'll have to spend money on you...

Kagura: Aww, Kyo! Don't be like that! It'll be wonderful!

Shigure: (clasps hands in contentment) Wedded bliss...

Kyo: (furious) WONDERFUL! HO_W!_

Henry: (rushes from backstage with a brush in his hand and a bag full of bobby pins) Now. Girl, sit, stay.

Tohru: (arms crossed over her chest, scowling) I ain't goin' anywhere. This dress is just an embarrassment.

Kagura: KYO! You _ARE _marrying me, NO BUTS!

Yuki: I seriously doubt Kyo had any sort of say in it in the first place.

Henry: (bobby pins in his mouth, watching the clock anxiously) Oh dear, oh dear...

Shigure: Err... we're on soon.

Tohru: (shoves Henry away) It's FINE. I'll be FINE. Just leave.

Shigure: 5...4...3...2...1...

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Shigure: And welcome back to 'Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes'. I'm your host, Shigure Sohma...

Yuki: Actually, technically, _I _was the host.

Kyo: Stupid rat.

Kagura (puppy dog eyes) Kyo... let's have dinner tonight... together.

Shigure: And three members of the cast are here with me.

Tohru: Actually it's four.

Shigure: Let's turn to Kyo Sohma first up and ask him a couple of questions about his character.

Kyo: GAH! THAT WASN'T IN THE SCRIPT!

Shigure: Kyo, what were your impressions when you first found out you were to play the part of the cursed 'cat'?

Yuki: Probably, technically, there wouldn't have really been too much of a difference.

Kyo: You shut up you stupid rat boy!

Kagura: Kyo was delighted! I mean, he got to work alongside me and we've known each other for like, forever. So it was really just a great opportunity to get to know each other better.

Kyo: SINCE WHEN DID WE KNOW EACH OTHER SINCE FOREVER?

Tohru: This is stupid. HENRY! YOU'VE LEFT BOBBY PINS ALL OVER MY TABLE!

Yuki: (leans over to Tohru) We're still on the show...

Tohru: So?

Shigure: Tohru Honda! The beautiful brunette. Did you enjoy working alongside the cast of the Sohma family?

Tohru: Well, Shigure, no, I'm sorry. They were all a little moody most of the time and...

Kyo: US? MOODY?  
Kagura: Kyo! That's cruel!

Shigure: You acted extremely well in Kyo's main scene, where he transformed.

Yuki: That's because she _was _disgusted.

Kyo: Ya wanna take this outside rat?

Kagura: I _knew_ I should've brought my frying pan. I just _knew_ it.

Kyo: What? So you can knock everybody out again?

Yuki: No cat, just you. Only you.

Tohru: This is a _complete _waste of time.

Shigure: We're almost done. One more question to be directed at myself. Will you ever find true love, Shigure?

Shigure: Ahh, yes. I've already found the One. He's quite sexy...

Henry: (yelling from backstage) CUT IT! CUT IT!

Yuki:Well,this brings us to the end of yet another saga...

Kyo: This has to be a world record for a short show.

Yuki: We hope you'll catch us in our next episode when we star Momiji, Hatsuharu, Uo, Kyo (again) and Shigure Sohma. Thank you for watching Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes.

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Shigure: (sighs) Well, _that _was a complete flop.

Tohru: Whose idea was it to put Yuki and Kyo and Kyo and Kagura on the same show?

Yuki: If you put Kyo with _anyone_ there'll be conflict.

Kagura: (stands up and stretches) Well, I'm off. I've got to organise flowers to be planted so they're ready for the wedding.

Shigure: Isn't the wedding next year?

Kagura: (nods) Precisely! Seeya!


	2. Harmony Between All

Kyo: HENRY!

Henry: Agh! I've absolutely _had _it. Jerry's on call tonight. I'm having a day off! I should so retire.

Jerry: (flutters eyelids) We should make out.

Shigure: (pops head in, is half dressed) Did somebody mention, 'make out'?

Kyo: LOOK at what you've done to my HAIR! (points needlessly to his head)

Henry: (looks up) I spiced it up a bit, yes, I gave it a bit of an edge.

Kyo: (glares and goes to look in the mirror) It's BLUE!

Jerry: You look simply _divine _in blue.

Henry: Orange was just _such _an unnatural colour.

Uo: (wandering in, fully dressed) Oh, and blue isn't?

Jerry: Guyzz, you're like, on in 30 seconds.

Uo: 30 seconds! Geez! Henry, come 'ere a minute. I need help with…

Jerry: Now, it's like, 19 seconds.

Henry: (getting up in exasperation to help Uo) Jerry, what _did _I hire you for?

Jerry: 10… and now it's like, 8… 3…

Momiji: (rushes in rubbing his eyes) WAAAAHAAAAHAAAA! I'M BLIND! I'M BLIIIND! I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN!

Shigure: What on earth?  
Haru: (comes in coughing) I sprayed a little deodorant in the air. He's complaining for nothing.

Jerry: You were supposed to be on, like, 3 minutes ago.

Henry: GAAAAH! (shoves everybody onto the set)

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Shigure: And welcome to yet another episode of 'Fruits Baskets: Behind the Scenes.'

Uo: (shoves Shigure away from the microphone) Tonight we have a unique selection from the cast with us. Momiji Sohma - the famous yellow rabbit.

Momiji: (bounces up and down excitably)

Uo: Hatsuharu Sohma - the dairy cow.

Haru: (scowls) Gee, thanks a bunch...

Uo: (grinning) Kyo Sohma - the ever annnoying furball of an excuse for a cat.

Kyo: SHUT YA MOUTH YA FAT LUMP!

Uo: (frowning) Shigure Sohma - the adorably grotesque pervert, our only canine friend.

Shigure: (beams proudly)

Uo: And of course I, Ansa Uotani, otherwise known famously as 'Uo'. We're here tonight to grace the presence of the show and bring you more news and updates from 'behind the scenes'.

Momiji: (waves frantically) Hiya guys!

Kyo: Momiji, ya dumb bunny. Shut up.

Uo: You can't talk, carrot-top…

Shigure: Actually, technically he's not quite so much the carrot anymore…

Kyo: (nervously flattening hair) SHUT UP!

Haru: As you can see, things haven't looked up since the series finished showing. Kyo's still as prone to temper tantrums, Momiji's _still_ gay, and Shigure is currently peeping up Uo-chan's skirt.

Uo: WHAT! YOU PERVERT! (slams Shigure in the face with her knee)

Shigure: (rubbing his nose) Do we have news for you this week? No we don't. Henry's hired a new, equally gay – he wears pink, the poof – assistant and Kagura is currently immersed in wedding plans for the wedding that will take place next year. Rumours are that she's pregnant.

Momiji: Nuh! She's not! I asked her and she _said _she's not, but maybe she will be next year.

Kyo: Not if I get any say in it.

Momiji: She has lotsa supplies of sleepy drugs stored away just for you Kyo!

Shigure: Ingenious! Why didn't I think of that with Miss Honda?  
Kyo: DON'T INSULT TOHRU!

Uo: Obviously, funds for a specially erected 'Sohma Family Mental Institution' to be placed on the large Sohma property have been overridden by the council and extreme lack of funds.

Haru: Tragic that, isn't it? I mean, I can already think of a couple of people who can be commited.

Kyo: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Uo: If you vote for a Special Mental Institution online at 'www . SFMI . com' hopes are that building can commence in July next year.

Shigure: Ooh! Crazy people!

Kyo: _Why _do I have to belong to a crazy family?

Uo: You're a freak. End of story.

Kyo: (scowls heavily)

Shigure: Also, tonight we have a special feature of the very school that the Sohma children attended in both the anime and the manga.

Uo: We'll be back with you after a short break.

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Momiji: (spins around in his chair in delight) We get to watch our school! We get to watch our school! Yippee!

Jerry: (comes out and begins fiddling with Kyo's hair.) La la la. Got to look your best when you're on show…

Kyo: (struggling) Would you get lost? Dammit! I don't need you telling me my hair looks worse than it already is!

Uo: HENRY!

Henry: (comes out looking stressed) And this was supposed to be my night _off_.

Uo: Yeah yeah, hey look, Kyo needs some more hair dye… permanent… that stuff's permanent isn't it?

Henry: (exasperated) No, no it's not. Only temporary.

Kyo: And it's gonna stay that way!

Uo: (grins) No, look, it's gotta be permanent to give the best effect. Make sure you do that before we leave tonight, Henry.

Henry: Oh dear, oh dear. I'm expected to work for them, and _then _they expect me to work overtime. WILL I EVER GET A LIFE?

Kyo: WHAT?

Uo: It's for your own good.

Shigure: Yes, it's for your own good Kyo.

Haru: (bored) We're on again in 5… 4…

Jerry: (pouts and pulls away) Hey! That's _my _job!

Henry: (drags Jerry away)

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Shigure: And welcome back, I hope you're all well tonight…

Momiji: Of _course _they're well! How could they not be? They're the audience!

Haru: Momiji, shut up.

Uo: As mentioned before the break, we have footage of the actual Kaibara High School.

Shigure: The school the Sohma children attended when they were still young. Henry?

- they all swivel their chairs to watch the video on the large screen behind their heads. There's a shocked silence and then Uo gets up and switches off the tape, fuming. –

Uo: Shigure…

Momiji: _Why _was the camera looking up girls' skirts?

Shigure: (delighted) High school girls, high school girls!

Haru: Oh dear, _that's _not going to go down well with the PG ratings…

Kyo: (looking murderous) Shigure, did you perve up Miss Honda's skirt?

Shigure: (sweating, turns to the microphone) Ahh… that's all we have time for tonight I'm afraid, due to technical difficulties, this, regretfully, must be cut short… it's good to know that…

Uo: HENRY! Cut… the… tape… now…

Shigure: (sweat drop, begins to back away) Thanks folks, and goodnight!

- Shigure runs screaming away backstage, Uo and Kyo on his tail -

**_Riiight... this is a re-post... lol. Forgot I had it in my documents... WHOOPS! Seeya guys! (grins and blows a raspberry)_**


End file.
